Monday, April 1, 2013

Dear Maker

Dear Maker,

I am wondering why in your name you don't give simpler plans, you know, clearer directions. Something along the lines of 'Thou Shalt not Kill, Thou Shalt not commit adultery.' Those are nice and clear, and to be brutally honest, they're hard enough for humanity to obey without any added nuance or uncertainty (I kid you not I was driving down 95 and there's a billboard staring me in the face. The billboard depicted the requisite hottie dressed in red- the closer you get to the casinos the more booby you see on the highway- and in large, boldface lettering, the commandment Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, only the 'not'  was crossed out in red. Talk about blatant!) But for the rest of the everyday decisions (to be fair, choosing not to kill is not as rare of a decision as I should hope) it can be a little foggy. I was the kid who hated open ended projects in school ("well how many pages should the essay be?" "As many as it takes to convince me" GRR!) Seriously, I mean no disrespect, but it's like friggin' Ikea directions sometimes. They claim they're simple to follow but somehow the door won't shut and the leg's all wobbly! I'm specifically concerned about the vague directions you've given in the area of how many children we should have. I've got all the parts, got the partner, heck I've made two great ones already, but how far should I go? Is it OK to stop? Is it weird to let the chips fall where they may Duggar style (OK, no, not doing that)? My father-in-law insinuated (if you can call blatantly saying to my face insinuation) that he has less respect for people with smaller families (as in only having one or two kids) and it's just got me to thinking, you gave me this body, and in present day, I've got some control over whether or not and how many kids to have, so am I cool just saying, "meh, getting a little tired here, ready to move on to the next phase"?

Uncertain and Unsure,