Thursday, January 30, 2014

Do Not Answer

Dear Telemarketers,

I respect that you have a job to do. Really, I do. I can only imagine it must feel to call people who do not want to hear from you, who are rude, snappy, who hang up on you. I know you have to make a living just like the rest of us. I can't bear to hang up on you, but I also don't have time to talk, and I don't want what you're selling. So, after I politely decline and sweetly ask you to remove me from your call list (which you never do), I add you to my contacts. That's right, I save your number to my phone's memory, like all of the other people who I want to remember by name. Only your name is "Do Not Answer." To date, I have about 35 numbers listed under this contact name. And I see your name every time you call back (how do you think I know that you didn't actually put me on the 'do not call list' as I requested?) It may be cowardly, but it's brilliant and it saves me at least 4 headaches a week. If by some chance you are a new telemarketer who has never called before, don't worry, there's plenty of room for more in the group, so enjoy my voice today, because you'll never hear it again.

Update: Now that I've joined the hordes of owners of newfangled smart phone owners, there's a fancy little feature that quickly allows me to block calls from a certain number. I'm employing this feature and it's pretty effective. Somehow, I miss the daily calls from my good friend "Do Not Answer." And the satisfaction of... you know, not answering. Sigh.   ** If you use a phone without that feature, go ahead, add all the numbers you don't want to receive a call from to your own "Do Not Answer" contact name and get some relief!

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